Its life Jim but not as we know it

Okay, so, it’s been a while but what can I say, I’m like a bad cough no amount of Vicks VapoRub can shake off. What I lack in academics I make up for in persistence!

Besides, we make such a great team you and I, have you done something different with your hair?

Alright enough of the flattery, it’d be easier for us both if like my husband, you valiantly accept there is no escape (there’s a very good reason one of my Dances With Wolves names is Maker Of Chains).

Now, to the matter in hand, I wanted to share with you an AWESOME film me and the hubby watched last Friday called 6 Underground featuring Mr Deadpool himself Ryan Reynolds which is on the Netflix #InNetflixWeTrust

Now I must confess to being a tad apprehensive about viewing 6 Underground and I’ll tell you for why, the last film I saw Ryan Reynolds in was Life, again on Netflix, and it was a very traumatic experience and has left me feeling heavily emotionally invested in his wellbeing, if he ever had a stalker like Portman I’d definitely be Frank Farmer to his Rachel Marron.

**spoiler alert**

As they say for the football scores “look away now” – Ryan ironically meets a very unsavoury end in the film Life which I hadn’t prepared myself for, as I was so wrapped up in the plight of the helpless little mouse that I didn’t see his grisly demise coming. I was shook let me tell you, from that moment on in the film I knew it was all going to hell in a handbasket and there wasn’t enough Barcadi to stop me from hiding under my dressing gown! I mean I knew it wasn’t going to be a picnic but Jesus that Calvin was a wrong un from the moment he came on board, it might have cut the film short but I’d have done a Ripley and nuked the evil parasitic clump of death from the get go!

To add insult to injury my hubby went straight to sleep afterwards – the chuffing psychopath(!) while I laid awake for HOURS scared out my wits! The only silver lining was that I refreshed the screen on my phone so often, as I couldn’t put the big light on, I discovered it doubles up as a torch (who knew?).

I want to blame Netflix but I should have known better, I’m no good with alien type films. The only one I’ve successfully watched was The Faculty and Independence Day and that’s only because like most foolish humans, I like to think we’d have a chance if the battle was on home soil. I should have learned my lesson from The Martian, I was so tense the entire time and Calvin and co didn’t even feature. My voice was so coarse from screaming “grab his hand!” at the TV it sounded as if I had emphysema.

While we’re speaking about Netflix do any of you get the little emails that say; ‘we know you like violence…….’. I used to think it was just me Adam was writing to but now I’m starting to suspect, I think I’ve always known, that I’m not that special. I know sadly I’m probably wrong, the fact that I get no replies to my return emails gives credence to this assumption, but I always thought there was someone in Netflix HQ called Adam, diligently sending out emails from his tiny, but neat, workstation. Whenever I get a bit stressy I like to think of Adam, tapping away at his keyboard, trying to spread the good word (as in movies – not Jesus, he’s not recruiting for the god squad) taking a sip from his thermos (he’s very practical is Adam) here and there because he’s just one man. Just so long as it’s not Sira or Agent Smith behind the little electronic envelopes I shall side with Cypher on this one; ignorance is bliss.

Anyway, onto the main event as they say.

One thing I have missed post-Bourne, is a real action film. Something that jumps out, grabs you by the throat and doesn’t let go until you give a safe word or the credits roll; something akin to an exhilarating bondage session but without the pleather (thank god for talc) and whip marks (I imagine).

I don’t want to give anything away if you haven’t seen it, what I will say is that you owe it to yourself to do so. The highest accolade I can give it is this; it is by far the best action film I have seen since Bourne(!) and it’s dripping with sarcasm too.

Obviously if we were on a glitzy show and we were holding up scores it’d definitely be a 10 – but it goes beyond that. I cannot tell you how much I’ve missed a proper action film, and Bourne is like the Top Gun of action, so for 6 Underground to immediately join its ranks in my affections speaks volumes. Jason Bourne got me through Counselling for Christ’s sake. Every time I sat on those cheap plastic chairs and had a couple of minutes to talk myself into legging it, I’d think ‘What would Jason do?’ and it would give me the balls to wait it out. Whenever I was flagging after a session he’d whisper ‘Get some rest Pam, you look tired’. Did it matter that my name’s not Pam? Of course not, I did as I was told.

Is it Oscar worthy? Probably not. But those lot never pick anything you’ve heard of anyway. Does it make you laugh and slate an insatiable need for wanton carnage….done and then some!

Go on, do it! Before we all become ghosts.